May 2012
20 posts
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YouTube is Freshman Year of Every Film School in...
YouTube did not exist when I was in College and that does not make me old. It came out the year I graduated, which might make me old, but a part of me is happy I wasn’t able to forever scar the Internet with my early attempts at short films. Because I’ve spent the last five years doing that.[[MORE]]
I’m not sure what the quintessential experience of Film School is exactly...
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The Dehumanizing Effect of Social Media: How to...
Autobiographies will become useless in twenty years, perhaps sooner. If every aspect of your life is documented via status updates, tweets, check-ins, pinteresting(?) and such there will be no need for future luminaries to put pen to paper to let a hungry public know how it all happened. But maybe there will be a bigger need for autobiography than ever if we want some actual meaning.[[MORE]]
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Film is the Evocation of the Iconic: Why Modern...
Movies are the playground of Icons, Archetypes, Representations of a thing that is not the thing. It can be difficult to think of films being elusive in their meaning if you’re not a film critic or film maker because film seemingly takes away any need for imagination on the part of the viewer.[[MORE]]
With Novels you see a picture in your head. In Art you have a plastic representation of...
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Talking Points and the Death of Honesty
People want a consensus. Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic and the weekly tallies of who won the box office at Box Office Mojo seem to be a reaction to a need we all share. This can also be noted in reviews of popular movies. The same talking points brought up again and again no matter the background of the individual reviewer. What fuels this?[[MORE]]
In an attempt to be honest, and get this...
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The Lo-Fi DIY Manifesto: How to Make Digital...
It’s been 17 years since Dogme95 so I feel like it’s time for a new manifesto on the art of making low-budget films. (I highly recommend The Name of This Book Is Dogme95 by the way, but only if you’re interested in Dogme95…or the Danes in general)[[MORE]]
But this manifesto will be different from every other manifesto ever written since I wrote it and I, to the best...
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E-Mails to Myself: Why the Internet Isn't a Viable...
If you read this tumblr blog I thank you. If you don’t then fuck you…[[MORE]] …anyway, let me let you in on a little secret. This blog is not edited. A thought occurs to me and I write it down. Most blogs work this way and that’s why English teachers don’t read blogs unless they’re written by other English teachers. But the other day I had an idea for a...
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The Avengers vs. Die Hard: Why Your Dad Likes...
You may or may not have grown up with a Dad who loves Westerns. I did, and so I got an early education in John Ford thanks to John Wayne’s laconic take on the Western Hero. There was something about The Duke that seemed big, besides his frame. Like Elvis or The Beatles or Spielberg the first time you encounter a figure like Wayne he’s presented to you as a legend. Obviously these...
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SPOILER ALERT!!!
In which I spoil everything I can think of…so don’t read this.[[MORE]]
-In the original Star Wars trilogy it turns out Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father. In the new Star Wars trilogy it turns out it sucks.
-At the end of The Prestige it turns out that Christian Bale is a twin and that Hugh Jackman clones himself. Essentially one is a great magician and the other cheats,...
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On Nostalgia: Clarissa and I Explain It All (plus...
(Disclaimer: The facts presented in the following piece have not been fact-checked nor has the article been submitted for review by any recognized editorial body and therefore should be considered a work of uninformed opinion)
They don’t make them like they used to. [[MORE]] Except now-a-days the ‘them’ no longer makes up a significant portion of the current media landscape...
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On Horror Films: Why I Went to Bed Scared Last...
We have been given giant trash cans by the city. This has turned Trash Night into a prolonged nightmare. [[MORE]] It began with the low ominous rumble of the cans being dragged up our street. I couldn’t identify what it was at first but I was alone. I was scared. And once I realized what it was I felt silly.
Having a cigarette out back before bed I noticed one of our cans was gone. I...
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On Criticism: Why Film Critics are F@#&!!...
Film Critics are ugly, sad little trolls who were never popular in school. Unable to cope with the realities of social interaction they retreated to the cinema, a dark place well suited to the social misfit, where everyone’s attention is focused on the giant rectangle of light instead of the sad little troll tucked away in a corner. Since they spend so much time there escaping from reality...
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On Superheros and Cinema: Things Thought While...
CGI has yet to define itself as a new color in the cinematic palette. This may not seem the case when you consider that any major blockbuster released by Hollywood is lousy with it. But let’s not take Hollywood as a guide in this instance. Instead, let’s just say that CGI is nothing more than digital matte paintings, digital make-up effects, digital animatronics and digital-digital,...
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On Obsessively Watching DVD Special Features: The...
Every so often we become obsessed with certain things. Sometimes the thing is a person, sometimes it’s a goal, and other times it’s DVD special features. So every once in a while I’ll use this space to recount my experiences with obsessively watching a particular DVD package or another and I’ll start by discussing the snake eating it’s own tail that is The Larry...
RIP Adam Yauch
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How to Write a Review of Marvel's 'The Avengers'
Here’s a quick and easy guide for the much beleaguered film-critics of America.[[MORE]]
1) Don’t start the review with a concession, e.g. “I’m not a comic book fan.” This will not help you in the slightest as the people who are reading the review most likely are. And while you may not be a fan of funny books you are a fan of replications of images of people...
